Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I Saw the Light in Vomit

I should have realized B wasn't "the one" when he threw up all over the bar top table at the Tavern on our first date...
(Yeah, that happened).
Not only was he embarrassed, but I was embarrassed for him. I guess I thought this kind of stuff happened to everyone at one point or another, and that it'd be a funny story to tell people when they asked how our first date went. I try to be an accepting person anyway, so I figured what better time to practice that than when I walk out of the bathroom and the guy I just met is wiping up his vomit with cocktail napkins?
We were then kicked out of the bar.

This got me thinking of how many signs I have missed, not just with B, but with every guy I have tried things out and then inevitably failed miserably with. I stopped looking for signs a while ago, as soon as my lust for life and faith in a higher power began to evaporate, and cynicism began to creep its angry foot into my door. It was always my opinion that signs could be found in anything, whether it be in an innocent gesture of kindness, a song lyric or someone's grilled cheese sandwich.
Point is: they were completely made up.
Now, however, B's vomit episode has got me wondering that maybe there are signs that are put in front of us to steer us in the right direction, if only we are aware enough to realize them.
In my case, the sign that night surely would have been STOP.
That and the massive hickeys B left after our first time sleeping together. Seriously, when I say "massive" I mean "looked like I got attacked by a Hover vacuum." That was a little obnoxious. What are we, 12?

Anyway, another sign would be the first time B met my mom (first and ONLY).
After just recently moving back home with my overly controlling, uptight and Jewish parents, its been a little difficult to date as much as I used to. Their number one rule is that the guy I'm seeing has to come to the door. I suppose its more respectful...I don't always know the thought process, ok? At any rate, the one time B doesn't come to the door because we are late to catching a movie, is the one time my mom ends up coming home from work early. So, shes already pissed that he hasn't come into our home. She goes out to meet him, and for some reason the schmuck is wearing shorts, a short sleeve GREEN shirt that is peeking out under a RED plaid button-up shirt, and hair that looked like it hadn't been brushed in days. Not to mention his out of control beard, which I usually love (love the facial hair, I do), but on this particular day made him look like a vagrant. He hardly spoke to her after his introduction, and the whole meeting lasted about 3 minutes.
Before hopping into the car, my mom called my name and with an air of humor said "Lev, YOU look nice!"
I texted her after I got into the car and the convo went just like this:
Lev: I know what you're thinking. We'll talk later.
Mom: Hahahahahahahahahaha :-/

I'm starting to believe that signs are all around us, and hear you me, I plan to look for and follow them religiously from now on.

As for right this moment, it's Seinfeld time.

Yours truly,

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