Monday, June 20, 2011


'Ello World,

That is, mostly America, Sweden and Germany as my stats say (thanks for reading, btw).
Yesterday was my good friend Pahina's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony that illustrated the loving and vibrant souls that she and her fiancee are. I have to say, I was a little worried about going to this wedding, being the cynical love doubter that I am; however, seeing Pahina and her fiancee's true happiness at being bonded together for their eternities made me believe that love truly does exist for some people.
In my opinion, love is out there for those certain lucky individuals who probably found it when they weren't even looking for it in the first place.
Pahina's love looked so real and seemed so secure. I was so happy she found someone as amazing as her. I think it's so funny how two people can be so perfect together. I suppose I don't truly understand it because I've never truly had that before.
Perhaps someday.
After the tear-jerking ceremony, came the always exciting reception (Aka, Party Time!).
It was a Russian Jewish wedding, so there was plenty of Vodka and dancing that would put even Paris Hilton to shame. We danced the Hora, and to Hava Nagila, and ate strange Russian food I had never even seen before (a new experience, although not my favorite part of the whole shindig).

The only uncomfortable part of the weddings was that Chia was there. I knew he was going to be, so I was mentally prepared, but not emotionally prepared to see him, and here is a list of reasons why:
1) We haven't spoken since we broke up almost 5 months ago.
2) I fell hard for this man, and he treated me so badly during a time in my life I needed support and love the most.
3) I'm pretty sure he knows his roommate is trying to get all up on this...
4) The girl he was in love with before me is one of Pahina's best friends and she was also at the wedding. She is gorgeous. Model status. And she broke his heart, and he constantly compared me to her.

I don't hate her for this at all, in fact, I really like and admire this girl. She's a ton of fun and a great friend to Pahina. However, I have never forgiven Chia for the way I never measured up to her for him. No one can compare to this girl, let me tell you...
So, when Chia walked into the reception after missing the ceremony (not surprising, he's always late), my heart dropped a little. I was thrilled when I found out he was sitting at a table far, far away (thanks to Pahina being sensitive to my feelings), until someone at my table told him to come join us since he didn't know anyone at his table.
Thank you blonde girl with the bleeding heart.
So, there we were: Me, Chia, and his beautiful past love. None of us talking to each other.
So awkward.
Didn't help when I heard the Beauty whisper to her friend, sarcastically, "we only hooked up 4 times."
That was something I could have gone my whole life without hearing....
Fortunately, I had a lot of support there from people who knew the situation, so I was able to switch seats discreetly and enjoy my time.
I truly wish I was strong enough to be friends with Chia, but the thing is, I just never got over the relationship. I got over him.
Just not the relationship.
And after last night, I realized just how lucky I was to not be with him anymore. We are two completely different people who would never have lasted anyway, no matter how much potential I wished to see in him.

Wow, I didn't realize this was such a long post! Think it's a Dave Chapelle night.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." --Marilyn Monroe


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