Thursday, July 7, 2011

Silver Screen Sexies

Men from the past were REAL men.
MASCULINE, courteous, chivalrous and clever...sometimes I wish I could climb into a Time Machine and nab me an icon from a past decade, or perhaps snatch them right out of a black and white screen.
Unfortunately, I grew up in the 90's and am now stuck in the 2000's.
(What's a girl to do?)
So, I decided to honor all the stud muffins from the past that I, myself, am in love with, and who encompass all the things I aspire to find in a man living in this decade.
(If only...)

Rudolph Valentino

Robert Mitchum

Bogie (Humphrey Bogart)

Cary Grant 
(Love his sexy goofiness)

Marlon Brando

Tony Curtis
(One of my favorites. Had a crush on him since I was a kid)

Harrison Ford
(I mean, come on...Hands down, the sexiest man of the 70's)

Al Pacino

Hey, Jealousy

Well, turns out El is seeing a new girl...and she's hideous....I know this because she obsessively comments him on Facebook, and as soon as they started hanging out, he stopped talking to me.
I know this is all my fault.
I know it. 
But I can't help wanting to SCREAM and throw some kind of tantrum just to get his attention.
I mean, what is it with men today?? If you stop seeing a girl, give her the common courtesy of telling her you are seeing someone else or that its just not working out.
I feel like this new girl has stolen my whole life, for some reason. I picture him taking her out to all the great places he took me, then taking her back to his amazing house. I see them getting married and his parents buying them a place of their own, as well a beautiful honeymoon to some far exotic land.
Its. Not. Fair. 

It kinda makes me sick to my stomach. Not the fact that he's seeing someone else, just the fact that I am the one who screwed this whole thing up, and that he didn't have the decency to tell me first. He just cast me aside, just like B. I hate it when people think they are getting away with something...
For a while there, I was considering leaving him a friendly Facebook comment for all to see, just to let HIM know that I know, and let HIS NEW GIRL know that I used to be in the fucking picture.
Facebook Comment To El:
Dear ELI (Since that's what this girl INSISTS on calling him),
Last night was amazing.
You are so good in bed!
I just can't wait to see you again.
Hi LuLu! (New girls name).
Love Always, 

I don't know when I started being so wrong. I used to be [THAT] girl, who A-L-W-A-Y-S got what she wanted, and left before she got hurt. I don't know when that stopped, but I want to go back to it. I loved being the one people came to for sex advice and bragging about my silly and fantastic rendezvous', not being the one who cried on a good friends shoulder because some man didn't see how great she was.
So, that's it.
I am done whining about and lingering on men who don't see the good in me. If they can't see what they are missing, then that's it.
Done, son!
I'm going back to my old ways. It's time to be pampered, have a little fun and then kick 'em to the curb.
After all, Marilyn always said, "A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left." 


Tuesday, July 5, 2011


I sit here,
waiting for my robot to feel. 
It lingers in a state of obedience,
telling me all the words I want to hear. 
My robot speaks when spoken to,
and moves when moved. 

But it is never moved. 

I wait patiently, still, for it to acknowledge me;
for it to wake up from its catatonic slumber,
and begin to see the good in me. 
I thought I'd never be lonely with 
this lifeless machine.

But although its around, its never really here. 

I went out and found it
lying alone in the junkyard,
and I thought I could save it;
rebuild it into something beautiful.
But I didnt listen when she told me,

They were just robots.


Sunday, July 3, 2011

Drunken Texting Can Be So Unforgiving...

Well, this is a relationship blog, so I suppose I should post more on my messed up, yet entertaining and ridiculous dating life. I began this blog waiting to hear from my "boyfriend," B. Well, while I was dating, B, I was also dating El, a guy I was introduced to by a co-worker of mine. He's a very nice guy with an interesting history. His dad was raised Jewish and then converted to Christianity and became a Missionary, and now someone is super loaded. El was born in Brazil and was adopted by his parents and taken to South Africa, where he grew up. Now, he lives by the Wash Park area in an amazing house his parents pay for and are currently remodeling, while they spend their time back in South Africa. 
Although El is well-traveled, cultured, sexy, smart AND sweet, I decided to be more serious about B at the time.
Well....we all know how that worked out....
So, even though I told El I was seeing someone else, he stuck around and we would chat occasionally. He even talked me down one night when I was quite upset. It's like he never gave up.
We finally went out about a week ago, and I have to say, it was F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C. We started our night with this great Chinese restaurant down on Broadway and ended up at Candle Light Bar, which had, dare I say, $3 Sailor Jerry's rum and Coke. For those of you who don't know me, I am in love with Sailor Jerry rum. The Sailor and I have had many a debaucherous night together. He is truly the only man I can relay on ;-] Needless to say, I was in Heaven. 
The night was going so well. The conversation, the company. It was all just really fun and perfect.
We then went back to his place and indulged in, yet, some more debauchery...and, yes, he's absolutely amazing at that as well. 

I was absolutely beaming the next day at work, and texted him to see if we could hang more, to which came his reply: "YA!!!" Seems like a good sign, right?
Wrong. Wrong, wrong. Always....wrong. 
I didn't hear from him for a couple days and started to worry. The whole B thing has gotten me paranoid about guys not calling...Therefor, I decided to go out, get completely smashed, and txt him. Now, I don't save my sent texts, so I only have the texts he sent me, and I have NO idea what I said to him....
I do know, that things got kinda dirty, and he sent me a text saying "So, we are fuck buddies?!" I think I said, "It's whatever you want," feeling dejected and giving up on any kind of a relationship with ANY man. 
He said, "Good to know." 
Uh, no. Sorry. Not good to know!! I honestly don't know what I was thinking. I completely fucked up a good chance of having any sort of a relationship with this great guy....Once you pull the fuck buddy card, it's hard to reel it back to dating-to-be-in-a-relationship status. 
And to top it all off, I haven't heard from him since the day after this little revelation came out. We texted a little, and that was it. 
I am literally kicking myself....

"Romantic love is an illusion. Most of us discover this truth at the end of a love affair or else when the sweet emotions of love lead us into marriage and then turn down their flames." 
                                                                                                                  ----Thomas Moore


My Facebook Status

"I'm  tired of being objectified, wearing heels and make-up, basing my ego on a man's scale, dealing with slutty men as well as haters from the SAME gender, having the media bombard me with images of who I should be and what I should look like. I dont want to be a girl anymore :-( "

This status started an interesting discussion on sexism and the society''s portrayal and treatment of women. I'll replay it here:

Dana: What? That's crazy! You don't have to do all that, we just do it because it's fun!
Lev: If I go into a club without heels or make-up on, id be considered a dog. No guys would come talk to me, and you know what that means, Dana? NO free drinks!! lol. 
No, I wear heels b/c they make me look taller and thinner, so I can try and fit into what the media portrays. We are suppose to be skinny and pretty. Personality counts for shit. Im tired of it. I would love to be a guy, just for one week. Not give a shit, use women, eat all I want bc it doesnt matter if Im fat, throw on a shirt and some jeans in the morning, muss up my hair and be ready for my day. To feel fine no matter what I looked like. It'd be nice. I want to meet somebody looking my worst. Maybe then Ill know they love me for who I am and not who I paint myself to be.
Teressa: Yeh, its fun until its expected of us...
Beth: well i met my baby's daddy when i didnt have any makeup on and a baggy t-shirt and jeans.... so smile harty! :) those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind!
Lev: Teressa, EXACTLY! Perfect word: EXPECTED.
Bethy, I love that quote and will always remember it, thank you :]
Im not saying that I was seeing a guy and the sight of me without make-up made him jet. lol. Im more saying that its how we are port
rayed, and therefore, thats what is EXPECTED of us. I read an article about a certain female comedian who I absolutely hate talking about giving all of her guy friends bjs and writing a Halloween list of costumes saying that if someone gives you a big candy bar (meaning no fun sizes) that means you are fat and should go home and cry. She also told her "haters" to take the sandwiches out of their mouths and go for a walk. It shocked and hurt me because it gives out this image of women like if we aren't a size 2 we should just go die. I dont hate this comedian b/c shes pretty. I dont even hate her b/c shes a whore. I hate her bc she furthers the stereotype that women can only be worth anything if they are pretty, give it up easily and cater to men. There was also an article on this Duke student who wrote her thesis on her sex life at Duke. Great editorial for a magazine, but to use your sexual experiences to get ahead in your education shows that you are pretty worthless and gives us all a bad name. So, for all you women who use sex and appearence to get ahead in life and depict us as nothing more than sexual objects who must cater to the male's who already see us as nothing more than someplace to put their dicks, thanks for setting the rest of us back 50 years.

And I mean it! 

"Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies." 
                                                   ---John Donne

Now to watch some Kevin Hart stand-up, 

Saturday, July 2, 2011

7 Fantastic Break-Up Notes

I have to say, I wouldn't like to be on the recieving end of these notes, but I would be so satisfied if I had written one...

Thanks to